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My whole life has been about low self-esteem, I struggle to put into words my thoughts and opinions simply because I think they have no value, that no one is interested in what I feel or think. This year I am determined to change that, I don’t want to feel like I am invisible that I am nothing anymore. I want to feel I have value in this world.

Writing these words I feel so scared, the opinion of others validates my life, I live for approval from strangers. I feel so isolated, locked within my own prison.

Self Imposed Prison

Self Imposed Prison

I hope that writing about my thoughts and opinions will give me the confidence to be more open, to just get out there in life and if I fall, not to take it so personally, to pick myself up and say I have learned and I am stronger for it.

I turn 53 next week, looking back on my life it has had many twists and turns, the adage “truth is stranger than fiction” resonates strongly. Does anyone have a picture perfect vanilla life, where there is no drama, no tragedy, where everything just seems to fall into a natural order? What is normal? The realization is coming to me that there is no “normal” it is a broad term that covers only a small part of who a person is. Perhaps unique is more relevant to us, each and every one of us is a special blend. Maybe this is my lesson to see myself as unique like everyone else, no better, no worse just me.

Feel free to leave your thoughts, any advice or sharing you can give is appreciated, it would be nice to know that I am not alone with my insecurities.